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Thursday, 09 October 2008

"My life is like the stock market right now."

I really didn't want to write this note, but I would totally break down if I didn't.

Things have not been getting better for me since my last note. I realized I'm finally living my dream of coming to UCLA, but instead I'm having a crappy time here. It saddens me to realize so many people I've met here cannot be extended my trust and friendship. I keep telling myself, maybe they're scared freshmen too, and I try my hardest to believe that is the case. But I don't know how much longer I can trick myself like that. Each day, my happiness comes from talking to my friends back home because they ask how my day was and what's bothering me and other thoughtful things like that. It's so ironic because before I got here, I thought I would finally leave a place where people judged you based on who you are, but I'm dying to go back to it, a place where there are actually people I care about and who care about me in return. I'm really sick of people who ditch me because they have something better to do. How come I don't do that? My college life is like the stock market right now; it's plunging with no end in sight. Who's gonna bail me out?

To the thoughtful friends I'm humbled to have (you know who you are), I'll do anything to make sure I am that friend to you too.

Monday, 06 October 2008

College... what a big word!

Yes yes, it is my third week of college already.
People back home ask me, "So you're adapted and stuff, right?" I'd really like to say that I am, but I don't think I am. I actually kind of depressed. It's so hard to fit in here because cliques are forming again. So high school, something I thought I wouldn't have to worry about here, something that I thought I could put in my past and never have to think about it again. But here it is again, haunting me. I don't know; I haven't found anyone who could possibly be like bff status, you know, and I keep telling myself to give it some more time. But how much time do I really need to give it? A quarter, two quarters, one year? Maybe it's suddenly I have to be so independent, and I just want someone who I can be close with. Not exactly a girlfriend or anything, but someone who I could go to when I'm lost and stuff. Right now when I'm lost, I just sit in my dorm room and I start to get that crying feeling inside. I miss being hugged, being cared about, being someone who matters. The school is so big that if I went missing one day, no one would notice. It feels great to be part of something great called UCLA, but I am just a number, not a name, not a person. If this is what the real world is like, then I'm not ready for it.

I miss you guys back home in SM, and to my best friends I've left high school with. And to the several few that have done much to help me feel at home here in Westwood, I owe you everything. <3

Wednesday, 25 June 2008

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 25

If there ever was an epitome of a day wasted on vacation, today was it. I got really irritated by the capriciousness of my aunts and uncles. My mom always complains that my friends and I don’t decide on meeting times until the last minute, but I think it’s better than setting one and changing it last minute, right?? I still don’t get adults, and I’m almost one D:

Tuesday, 24 June 2008

TUESDAY, JUNE 24

We went over my grandma’s house in the morning and stayed for lunch. Afterwards, we took advantage of the weather before the possibility of rain in the evening to go to Maokong. We met up with my aunt and cousin at the Muzha MRT station and took the gondolas up to Maokong. I absolutely loved the ride up, and the scenery was beautiful. It completely contrasts the busy lifestyle and high-rise buildings in the city. It started to rain when we arrived up there, so we sat down for afternoon tea in this teahouse until the rain stopped. But it began to pour, and they closed down the gondola ride so we had to take a very cramped taxi down the mountain. We had dim sum for dinner with the entire family. On the way home, we walked to this Chinese medicine shop where this woman “read” my skin and could tell me to drink less coffee and tea, meat, and keep my skin moist. I thought it was like a fortune teller!

Monday, 23 June 2008

MONDAY, JUNE 23

We had pastry for breakfast at home. Later, we took the MRT and I met up with my cousin in Ximending for lunch (we had Italian pasta). The streets were a little filthy (my aunt stepped on a dead rat LMAO), but there were a lot of shops, eateries, and teens. Afterwards, my parents went back to my grandma’s house while I accompanied my cousin to sign up for tutor. She wanted to tune up her English skills for the TOEFL exam; her dream school is UCLA too! :D Although I had to sit for three hours, I found it fun seeing a bunch of kids learning English. They let me take a placement test of TOEIC on which I failed, according to my “American terms” – 665/990. That evening, we went to the underground mall under Taipei Train Station where I stuffed myself in the huge food court.